Jarybel Correa
Professor Tougaw
English 301W

As a child born into a Hispanic and catholic household, my music interest varied throughout my entire life. I was born in Manhattan, New York, on December 20th, 2000. Being the middle child of four, music was put into my perspective from my older sisters. They introduced me at a young age to different genres of music. Our parents were very religious, and growing up in a catholic household, it was difficult for us to listen to music that was not related to the church. My family and I would go to church every Sunday; in addition to that, I attended catholic school every week and also participated in a youth group at our church. I learned many gospel songs in English and Spanish because my godmother was part of the chorus/band at the church. In 2007, my parents split, and so did my family. Eventually, this affected the religious aspect of my life; soon enough, religion seemed to slip away from my daily life. However, only a few years ago, this part of my life was reintroduced to me. I would have to say that this part of my life, is one that I look back at and appreciate the most; it has made me the person I am today and heavily embeds in my persona. However, I do not really listen to gospel music anymore, even though it is still a part of my life.

As I got older, I listened to various artists such as The Notorious B.I.G, Eminem, Lauryn Hill, Michael Jackson, T.L.C., etc. The only way I was introduced to these artists was because of my older sisters; I always wanted to be around them and listen to the same things they listened to. If it weren’t for them, I would have never been introduced to this type of music. However, my Father also brought a significant influence on music. He grew up in Queens, New York, during the ’80s, and this was such an influential time in history when it comes to music. He introduced me to old school music, as he likes to call it. As I reached my teen years, music became a massive part of my everyday life. Music gave me the motivation to get out of bed and start my day.
My music taste varies; I enjoy listening to all genres of music. Mostly, Bachata, Merengue tipico, Hip Hop, Rap, Pop, and salsa. Music has always been a massive part of my life; to me, it is a form of expression; on days when I want to feel happy, I listen to more uplifting music such as Merengue Tipico, which is a genre of music that originated in the Dominican Republic. It is very similar to merengue; however it has a faster pace when dancing, I usually listen to Tipico whenever I want to feel uplifted and happy. On days when I want to feel relaxed and chill ill listen to rap or hip hop. Some of my favorite artists include The Notorious B.I.G. and Post Malone. As you can already probably tell, my music taste is very diverse; I enjoy all types of music and enjoy being introduced to new genres and artists. I will introduce you to my top 3 favorite artists and why they have impacted my life.

The Notorious B.I.G

Christopher Wallace, also known as The Notorious B.I.G., was one of the most influential rappers. Born on May 21st, 1972, in Brooklyn, New York, to immigrant parents, his father left him and his mother Voletta when he was just two years old. Growing up in Bedford Stuyvesant, a neighborhood in Brooklyn, Smalls was exposed to many street life at such a young age during the crack-cocaine epidemic in the ’80s and ’90s. He was lyrically gifted from such a young age. Smalls music spoke about the qualities of a life of crime and spoke about the downside of it all in his songs “Suicidal Thoughts” and “Everyday Struggle.” His music was also very influential; the lyrics in one of his most famous songs, “Juicy,” gave hope to struggling people. It helped people to have a positive outlook, and even people who do not come from money can make it in life. Immediately at the beginning of the song, he calls out everyone who doubted him. He continues to express his story of coming from nothing and dreaming big to his success. Biggie Smalls is one of my favorite artists because of his smooth lyrical flow. When he raps, he tells a story, one that is very pleasing to hear. I would say that his music motivates me to be productive and continue dreaming big. Unfortunately, he was another artist that was taken way too soon, but his impact on the music world is forever imprinted.

Selena

Selena Quintanilla is one of the most influential Latin artists ever. Before her tragic death at the age of 23, she released very well-known hits and set fashion and makeup trends. Everything about Selena and her music was revolutionary. Selena took apart barriers of language, genre, and identity throughout her entire career. She overcame male-dominated musical genres. Selena was a Mexican American singer who came from a very conservative family and had difficulty being accepted by audiences both in the U.S. and Mexico. However, her unique style of music took contemporary sounds of the 90’s and Mexican genres and combined them to create award-winning albums. Selena was an inspiration to many new Latina artists such as Karol G and Selena Gomez. Selena was the first female artist who was proud of her heritage and being Latina for many people. Her music celebrated life, love, and family. I first learned Selena’s famous song “Como la Flor” when I was just five years old. This track included a dynamic and vocal performance over a cumbia beat. “Como la flor” is one of my favorite songs, which talks about heartbreak and romance. Selenas music is very influential because it describes me as a person and the different parts of my life. She was not afraid to be proud of her heritage and created a path for future Latina female artists.

Post Malone

Post Malone is one of my favorite artists of all time. Although I was introduced to him not too long ago, his music has impacted me in the short time that I have gotten to know his music. His music caught my attention because of his unique vocal style and pop, hip hop, rock, and folk combination. I remember first listening to Post Malone on a long drive back from Montauk with my boyfriend. We drove on the road listening to his single “Stay” with the windows rolled down. This was a moment that I will never forget, a time where I was fully content in life. His music has ever since had this effect on me, and I am sure it did too for many other people. I will be seeing him live this year, and I am so very excited.

Conclusion
These are only a few of my favorite artists who each bring different genres to the table. Each of these artists has been influential to my life when I feel like I cannot achieve my goals; their music is my escape from reality. My taste in music varies; I have so many other genres that I listen to almost every day, such as meringue tipico, as I mentioned before, country, and rock. The music itself is a universal language that has brought me to connect with others on a different level. My appreciation for these artists and all types of music is indescribable.

“You don’t know what’s in store
But you know what you here for”

-The Weeknd, High For This

It’s important to understand that I was in my second semester of college, experiencing the beginning of my life as an adult. Finding new ways to love, making old habits die hard and just being a student. I remember the morning of the royal wedding of Prince Philip, I was writing this speech for my public speaking class but taking a break from the long presentation process to listen to some music. Not knowing what i pressed play to, in the sunrise hours of the morning, i was going for the ride of my life.

In some ways, I experienced The Weeknd in the wrong way according to himself, but nonetheless, I was intrigued. On my third refill of coffee, I clicked on this twitter link that led me to a Mixtape link that had me ultimately asking “Who is The Weeknd?”. With a photo of a man with his face blurred, starter locs, and a mysterious candor to himself, I found myself wanting to know more. The album cover was a naked woman with balloons all around her in a bathtub. The mixtape would be known as The House of Balloons. This 9 track Mixtape had so much sultry, drug filled, sexually driven energy, that my mind couldn’t understand what was going on. This was not my parents R & B. To hell, it wasn’t even my older siblings R&B from the 90’s. This was something extreme in comparison, this was an ultimate game changer.

This influenced me to have a party in the trump hotel (Pre-Election), buy out the penthouse suite on the 23rd floor overlooking central park, and recreate the toxicity that we now know as the beginning of a trilogy. Who knew at the time that he was changing the music industry as we saw it. This mysterious man, who didn’t even bother to show his full face until his third tape was released, had a hold on me and a generation of people who wanted the soundtrack to their illicitly filled nights.

Years prior to The Weeknd, R & B was going into an electronic and rock music upheaval. From the production to the way the songs were written, it was either about partying or loving. You would still get your traditional ballads from some of the staples of the genre but nothing changed as we came out of the 00’s decade. With acts like Rihanna, Beyonce, And Ne-Yo exploring the new sounds of music that went against the status quo, there was a storm brewing in the northern hemisphere of america. Drake, who is accredited with the social awakening of the Weeknd, has been a supporter of him since 2010.

"Bring your love baby I could bring my shame." – The Weeknd http://bit.ly/dLGnts

— Drizzy (@Drake) March 7, 2011

With this distinct canadian sound of drowning bass with muffled samples, The weeknd takes you on a ride as if you’re going to a haunted strip club with whatever vices you want in the back. With songs like “Wicked Games”, “What You Need”, “The Party And The After Party”, “The Knowing”, Weeknd talks on the subject of sex, drugs, intimacy, and infidelity in ways that were way more sultry than the norm. Lyrics like:

“I Left My Girl back home
I don’t love her no more
And She’ll Never F*cking know that
These f*cking eyes that i’m staring at”

“Wicked Games”
are what make the weeknd such an enigma inside of R & B and hip hop.

The tempo of the popular R & B music was very fast paced with the melodies to match at the time. Sounds coming from the likes of the contemporary crowd of this genre of music, put this music more of the new generation of R & B. Weeknd was not the first in this new way of R & B. Acts like Frank Ocean and Jhene Aiko were also starting their respective careers. When in hindsight you can see the influence that they currently have on the genre as a whole, but it’s not the clearest vision without a guide. It’s believed that this mixtape is the mixtape that shaped the sound that currently comes out of the canadian side of america that has given acts like Drake, Justin Bieber and PartyNextDoor the ability to breathe a new sense of quality music into the industry.

The production plays a major role in the way that the music is perceived. Doc Mckinney, A long time producer for the Weeknd was a major staple into this sound. He created this sound that The Weeknd used as a backdrop to his climatic stories of his toronto lifestyle. While I can see the influence in today’s artists like, 6LACK, 24KGLD, Gallant, and Brent Faiyaz, Weeknd has gone far beyond his debut mixtape and has solidified himself as one of the most successful artists in the 21st century. Even in today’s age, Weeknd has elevated the genre once again. Making his hit single “Blinding Lights” a certified mainstay on billboard’s top ten for a whole year. But those Balloons on the bathroom floor will forever mean a new change in guard for our generation.

Personal Essay of an Ecuadorian living in Queens

I was born May 18, 1999, in Guayaquil, Ecuador. I am the second oldest in my family, I have one older brother and three younger siblings. My parents are separated, when I was in Ecuador I lived with my father and stepmom. My dad and I moved to New York to have a better life in 2006. When I moved it was very hard for me to adjust to the new environment. Music took a big part in my life, to learn English and make my days brighter. The variety of music heard in my household ranges from Gianluca Grignani to Eminem. That is just to say a few since my dad was raised in Ecuador and also lived his teenage years in New York, at home English pop and Spanish music were on a daily basis. 

Personally, due to my dad’s influence on music, I like and listen to Eminem, Culture Club, Queen, and many more. This also developed my taste later on into liking Bruno Mars, Pink, Akon, Rhianna, Katy Perry, and many more. But do not let my English singers and songs fuel you. You are about to see my Spanish taste and who I am crazy about. I am totally in love with  Romeo Santos. He is a solo artist but also used to form a group named Aventura. The genres of my taste rank from Bachata of Aventura and Prince Royce. Merengue of Juan Luis Guerra, Elvis Crespo, Salsa of Jerry Rivera and Gilberto Santa Rosa. Romantic music from The sun of Mexico Luis Miguel, the Spanish singer Alejandro Sanz and Oreja de Van Gough to name a few. Luis Miguel is also a good example of my romantic and actual singer until this decade. Recently I must confess that lately Luis Miguel and Ricardo Arjona’s music have been in my head. 

I consider myself to have a very wide knowledge of music in most genres. Bachata, Merengue, Vallenato which is a Colombian genre as well as Cumbia, romantic music, salsa, pop-rock, rap, and so on. Not only do I know the artist and their songs, but as well I know how to dance to these songs, (Salsa I am still in the process with). Music to me is a way to express my emotions and circumstances I pass through life. It is like if there is an exact song when I am feeling happy, sad, nostalgic, tired, anxious, etc. For example, when negative thoughts come to mind or I am not passing a good moment, I like to listen to Aventura. Aventura Dominican group who’s vocalist and leader is Romeo Santos. I have seen him live in concert 3 times, twice in Ecuador and once in Madison Square Garden. It might sound a bit crazy but I tend to say Romeo Santos is the only person who will never let me down and is always in my best and worst moments. I feel this way because his music is very special to me and has been in my life since I am 6 years old. Like Aventura and Romeo Santos are my top favorite music and artists of all time, but as mentioned before I also like other singers and genres. I am going to share my favorite genres and singers so you can be part of my music taste. 

My Favorite singers and my relation to their Songs-Lyrics 

Aventura Group 

Aventura was a bachata music group from New York, United States. Aventura was formed in 1994 by Anthony “Romeo” Santos, Henry Santos, Lenny Santos, and Max Santos. Aventura is a group of not only dancing songs with explicit lyrics. Aventura has a variety of songs to which it relates to society and even brings his religious opinion in songs. I am about to name and elaborate on songs of Aventura that have touched my soul and impacted my life at some point. “Amor de Madre” narrates the story of a mom who is left alone with her child and gives to her son everything with so much sacrifice, without noticing that this same love has made her child take the wrong way. This song reminds me of a friend and I see him resemble this, his mom gave him everything but instead he took the addiction paths. This song really has me thinking so when a parent’s love is enough, is giving everything without a measure wrong? 

Another song is “Hermanita” which tells the story of a woman being bit up by her husband and her brother who is desperately trying to help her. This piece of the lyric touched me deeply “ En tu casa hay un monstruo y tú duermes con él. Anda Cuenta las horas que te ha hecho Feliz, luego Cuenta Los años que te ha hecho sufrir” which translates to “ In your house, there is a monster and you sleep with him. Go ahead and count the hours that he has made you happy, right after count the years that he has made you suffer”. Personally, I can relate to and understand this portion of the lyric. I used to be in a relationship with someone who hurt me emotionally. I used to hold on to the happy moments, to not notice the bad person he really was. As the song says, maybe I could count the hours or amounts of happiness in the relationship, but the years and unpleasant moments weighed more heavily. Without realizing I was living and sleeping with the monster. It is horrible to lie down next to that person whom you love, crying silently for all the damage that person causes you. I was able to get rid of this blindness because like the song says, counting the hours someone makes you happy does not erase the hurtful reality.

Jerry Rivera (Salsa)

“Amores Como el Nuestro” is one of my favorite songs from Jerry Rivera. The lyrics describe a unique love story and not like the other love stories. It is simply poetry to the ears, truly makes the person want to be in love. I dream of one day finding true love as he sings in his song, those loves that are a few in the world. Oh but another song I love about him is “Ese” which translates to “The One”, the lyric describes a guy who is a disaster and plays around with a woman, but somehow she is still in love with him. No matter how many negative traits he has, something deep in his soul had to be different that she fell in love with him. No matter what, she always goes back to his arms in love. Jerry Rivera until this very day is well known and his music is sung and danced all around the world. It has that variety of salsa romantic music. A point of reference in salsa should always be Jerry Rivera.

Juan Luis Guerra ( Merengue)

A song I really like about Juan Luis Guerra,  and makes me reflect is “Avispas”. His songs are mostly passages from the bible. It is a dancing merengue song with vibes but also the lyric represents the love for God and how he has changed the singer’s life. I like to listen to this song, how beautiful and interesting it can sound combining bible passages and turning them into a merengue. I am catholic and this song not only makes me sing, dance but reflect as well and I like it. 

Carlos Vives ( Vallenato)

 “Carito” is a song I like by Carlos Vives, it combines a nice story of platonic love with great musical arrangements, proving that though Vives may be a romantic at heart, he also values any kind of love and companionship, a common theme in Latin music in general. This is a cute song with a sweet story about a schoolboy’s crush on his English teacher. As the singer reminisces about his boyhood romantic ambitions, he has to use the imperfect (past continuous) tense to express what he was feeling. Carito is really a fun love story guideline to follow, how cute and full of excitement to dance. 

Luis Miguel (Romantica)

Luis Miguel is a Mexican singer. He is widely known only by the name Luis Miguel. He is often referred to as “El Sol de México” (The Sun of Mexico). “La Incondicional” describes a song of a woman so faithful and in love with him, who never asked him for anything. He is describing the perfect woman but he lets her go, he did not know how to love her properly. That happens in real life there sometimes when unconditional people are taken for granted. “Te puedes Marchar”, “ Tu o Ninguna” and “Culpable o no” are my top favorites. 

Bruno Mars (English Pop) 

Bruno Mars is an American singer. How can I even begin to express Bruno Mars is such a versatile artist, he is the type to make people dance, cry over a heartbreak, boost self-love, and dance altogether. The first song I ever heard of him was “Just The Way You Are” and that was enough to like his music and soft voice. Of course, many songs followed “When I Was Your Man”, “It Will Rain”, “Talking To The Moon”, “Billionaire”, “Grenade” and many more. If I keep going I would probably not end, to be honest. I used to think of Mars as a romantic pop singer, little did I know he can do and does more than that. “Grenade” is such a powerful song, the lyric describes what we are capable of doing when in love. “I would jump in front of a train for you, but you won’t do the same”. How many times haven’t we gone beyond ourselves for a person knowing they would not do the same for us. It happens, I had to learn the hard way, that not everyone has the same good intentions as me. 

Conclusion

The above-mentioned genre and singers are my favorites and complements who I am. With this, I am demonstrating that versatility is possible. That I can be dancing to a salsa song by Jerry Rivera and also rap an Eminem song. Music forms a huge part of my life and is like a best friend going everywhere with me. Writing this personal essay with some of my main playlists made me remember that music heals everything, and how grateful I am to have a versatile knowledge of music genres in English and Spanish. The best parts of the childhood parties in Ecuador were the songs and dancing combined with food, which made the best childhood for me. Through this essay, I have talked about my number 1 music crush and love for “Aventura”, specifically Romeo Santos. But Hey I am sure we all have a musical crush. I wonder how many of you know “Aventura’’, “Jerry Rivera”, “Carlos Vives” and  “Luis Miguel” out of my playlist. Hope you all enjoyed reading my personal essay with my favorite genre and music included.

What is qawwali? Qawwali is a style of Muslim devotional music now associated particularly with Sufis in Pakistan. I was introduced to this sort of music back when I was 5-6 years old, and at the time every time my dad would play it in the car or in the house, my sisters and I would start whining about how trash it is, because we wouldn’t understand the lyrics of it. And instead, would make fun of the way the song is being played, and how dramatic the singer is. But now…oh my goodness, I could listen to this music all day long, depending on the mood obviously. From the lyrics to the beat of the ‘qawwali’, everything just makes you swoon and go “WOW, just wow, how did these people even come up with lyrics/poetry like this. It blows my mind.” The very first qawwali singer that I was introduced to was Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan aka NFAK. World renowned qawwali singer, there were people who started worshipping him because of his words and songs. He was almost like the Michael Jackson of the Pakistani music industry, Bollywood wanted to start using his songs for their movies, he also sung some songs for them.

Tumhe Dillagi Bhool Janey Parey Gi

The first qawwali that I’m introducing you to is his most famous one called, “Tumhe Dillagi Bhool Janey Paregi” (you will have to forget all about infatuation). His qawwali wasn’t the normal song length, they would go till 16-20mins, some even longer. This song is 16mins long and he would sing all this live. The lyrics of this song is just exceptional. His music is very repetitive, but you don’t get tired of listening to it. And the only way to admire and appreciate his music is if you can understand what he’s talking about. There’s this stanza in this song that says, “zakhm pe zakhm kha ke ji, apne lahoo ke ghoont pi, aah na kar labon ko si, ishq ha dillagi nahi”, (stay alive, torment after torment…take a sip of your own blood…don’t object, seal your lips, this is true love not infatuation!) And at another time he says, “kuch khel nahi hai ishq ki lag, paani na samaj ye aag hai aag”, (love is not a game, don’t mistake it for water, it’s a sea of fire!). So, he’s basically singing about how love isn’t something that could/should be taken granted for. It’s not easy to love, it’s a challenge, an extremely difficult one to love somebody. He describes love as a sea of fire and in order to love somebody truly and deeply you have to dive into that sea of fire. This qawwali has come into many new forms for today’s era with a new tune and a new song structure but nothing beats the old one.

Ankh Uthi Mohabbat Ne Angrai Li

All I want to post for this song is….

Tanhai Mein Faryaad Toh Kar Sakta Hoon
Veerane Ko Aabaad Toh Kar Sakta Hoon
Jab Chahoon Tumhe Mil Nhi Sakta Lekin
Jab Chahoon Tumhe Yaad toh Kar Sakta Hoon
——————————————————————
In loneliness, I can plaint
Some may define this as a prayer or request being made to God
A desolate place I can bring back to life

When you want, I cannot meet you, however
when you want I can think of you
——————————————————————

Achi Surat Ko Savarne Ki Jaroorat Kya Hai
Saadgi Mein Bhi Keyaamat Ki Ada Hoti Hai
Tum Jo aa jaate ho Masjid mein Ada Karne Namaaz
Tum ko maalum hai kitno ki Kaja Hoti Hai
——————————————————————
What is the purpose in adorning your beautiful face
there can be greatness in simplicity
You , who comes and goes …
to the mosque to offer your prayers
are you even aware of how many peoples prayers are disrupted

…. I hope you all can comprehend this. This is one of my very favorite poetry of his. I never knew where this came from, I had read it on Instagram before, until my husband played this song the other day and I was like OMG THIS IS WHERE THIS POETRY IS FROM! I was so happy to have found this song, I didn’t even know this was from a song of his. Bollywood has recently come out with a very new version of this song and honestly, they just ruined it. They did not do justice with this song! I sort of wish they had never renewed this one. The main chorus, the singer failed to pronounce the word “uthi” correctly and instead it sounds like “kutti”, which means b**** in English.

Ye Jo Halka Halka Suroor Hai

My all-time favorite song, the qawwali version and the song version that a Pakistani singer sang. Both, I can never get tired of. I had listened to the newer version before the old version and instantly fell in love with it. Such an emotional song, and the singers voice, Farhan Saeed is so soft and soothing, just makes you want to listen to it all day long. The tone and music of the new version is completely different than the old version, but the lyrics remain the same. The original song is almost 20 minutes long, whereas the newer version is just 4 mins and 22 seconds. My favorite lyric from this qawwali is “na namaz ati hai mujhko na wudhu ata hai, sajda kar leta hun jab samne tu ajata hai” which means, “nor prayer nor ablution do I know, but I prostrate when you come before me”. I absolutely love the ending of this qawwali, when everything sort of calms down and NFAK calmly sings and finishes it off.

It is irrefutable the impact Kanye West has had on the music industry. Born in Atlanta, Georgia but raised in Chicago, Illinois, West has managed to influence generations of music that have not even come. He entered the game producing for Roc-A-Fella Records until he felt that he too talented of a songwriter to not put his skills to use. The combination of producing and songwriting, along with an explosive personality and hardship gave fans an outstanding decade of musical genius.

The College Dropout

In 2004 West released his first album The College Dropout. This album was incredibly experimental and different, as it included gospel, rap, soul, and much more, all while maintaining its core as a hip-hop album It amazes me how many times the video of him performing one of the hits of the album “All Falls Down” before it was released resurfaces on social media today. Before it was “All Falls Down,” at the 2003 Def Poetry Jam it was a poem called “Self Conscious.” Watching the video still makes the hairs on my neck stand up. Other hits on this album include the iconic music video to go along with “New Workout Plan,” a song that was recorded after a life-threatening car crash “Through the Wire” and Grammy award-winning “Jesus Walks.” This album gave us the infamous line in which West states, “Everybody wanted to know what I would do if I didn’t win… I guess we’ll never know.” West entered the industry as an artist with absolute bangers. Aside from this, he created a character-the Dropout Bear-which was something not many artists had done to that point. It wasn’t exactly an alter-ego of any kind, rather just a symbol that when you saw it, you immediately knew who it resembled. There were many others to do it before him also, however, the bear may be the most iconic of them all. One artist that comes to mind when I think of the impact this bear has had is Logic with his ATM 301 robot.

Late Registration

One year later in August of 2005, West released Late Registration, which again used a combo of strong music videos to assist in the popularity of his songs. The singles “Touch the Sky” and “Gold Digger” had vibrant music videos to go along with them that stick in people’s heads. Further, it would be no surprise if these songs were played on the radio on any given day. And yes, everyone sings along. This album was also important because of the social impact West was making just after it was released. Hurricane Katrina struck three days following the release and during a telethon for Red Cross Relief West stated, “George Bush doesn’t care about Black people.” A powerful statement indeed. This is by no means the first time an artist has referred to socio-political inequality, as we have songs by N.W.A. and Tupac Shakur that give very similar messages but following this statement we have seen the prevalence of politics in rap skyrocket. So much so that it has become a sub-genre of rap where people make attempts to label artists such as Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole, Vince Staples, Kota the Friend, and the late Nipsey Hussle to name a few.

Graduation

Two years later, West released my personal favorite-Graduation. This 2007 album featured several songs that were made with the intention of getting stadiums of people on their feet. He succeeded. Singles like “Champion,” “Stronger,” and “Good Life” had the music industry in a chokehold for a long time. West composed a tremendous ballad on “I Wonder,” and got very personal about his relationship with Jay Z on “Big Brother.” I find this album especially interesting because there are alternate endings, one of them being the track “Good Night,” which is a smooth, subtle ending. Contrary to this, the ending I love was “Bittersweet Poetry” featuring John Mayer. This track offers such an interesting contrast, it is exactly as the title states, a perfect blend of singing and rapping throughout the track.

808s & Heartbreak

Bring in the influence. West’s fourth studio album really breaks down several barriers within hip-hop, the largest one autotuning. Songs like “Love Lockdown” and “Heartless” pioneered this autotune movement along with other artists like T-Pain and Lil Wayne. This album helped influence a large portion of our current generation’s artists as their niche resides in the realm of autotune, some of the most notable artists are Juice WRLD, Travis Scott, and Lil Uzi Vert. Another agenda West helped to pioneer with this album was “emo” rap with the assist by Kid Cudi. Before this album, hip-hop and rap music never really indulged with feelings of sadness. Being that this album was recorded and released following the passing of West’s mother, we were given a very vulnerable side of his musical genius. “Welcome to Heartbreak,” “Street Lights,” “Bad News,” and “Coldest Winter” are all very emotionally charged songs where West shows how materialism, the loss of his mother, and separation from his fiancée have impacted him significantly.

My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Many argue that this album is West’s best project to date. They have good reason to. Let’s start with the range that this album presents through its features and contributors. Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Beyonce, Kid Cudi, Jay Z, Rick Ross, Pusha T, John Legend, Elton John, and Bon Iver. This array of musical talent all on one album together can feel overwhelming. Yet, it was executed perfectly. 2010 proved to be a year that Ye could not miss. Taking elements of all his older albums whilst incorporating new ones helped to create a true gem-a masterpiece. The point of impact I would like to key in on is the artwork. The attention to detail West has is uncanny, as this album offered five alternative album covers. The primary one being a man with a green bottle in hand engaging in intercourse with what appears to be a phoenix, as the woman has wings. The next, a ballerina holding a wine glass. The third is an abstract piece, a distortion of awkwardly proportioned images of a caricature-like image of West. The last two are very similar, one pictures a severed head wearing a crown and a sword sticking out of it in the clouds, the other pictures the crown in the same position with the sword sticking into the grass with clouds in the background. These images each offer a unique meaning in relation to the album, but in all, they add to the masterpiece; A great deal of detail in the artwork of albums following MBDTF was a direct result of West’s influence.

Yeezus

“Yeezy season approachin’ / Fuck whatever y’all been hearin’” he opens on this experimental album. Yeezus consists of heavy synthesizers, electronic sounds, and distortions. This album is definitely an acquired taste for many, myself included. Upon first listen, my initial thoughts were, “the hell is going on?” The opening track “On Sight” gives you 34 seconds to just reflect on your thoughts while distortion plays before leading into West’s verse. West uses this album to address the controversy that has surrounded him his whole career. He addressed exactly who he thinks he is on “I Am a God,” he nods to the materialism and poor financial decisions of people in the Black community on “New Slaves,” and the destruction of relationships that comes with fame on “Blood on the Leaves.” This album’s influence is evident in especially within the last five years of music, as artists like Trippie Redd and XXXTentacion, as we began to see more artists follow the trend laid down in Yeezus which consisted of fewer lyrics and more sounds.

After graduating high school I took a year off to pursue a career in film production, a career that I had already been working at since I was 14. At 18 years-old I was working 14 hour days on set with a 90 minute commute back home to Long Island. When the commute was too much or the trains already stopped running for the night, I would stay at friends or crew members apartments. I would hang out at union square on Thursday and Friday nights where large groups of young people, who were all older than me at the time, would gather to celebrate being young and free. It was a fun, chaotic, experimental, slightly irresponsible, sometimes plain old stupid period in my life to say the least. The undiagnosed bipolar disorder raging in my brain was driving my often erratic behavior. I was manic. I thrived on set and in the editing room. Then I would crash. I would come home and cut myself, the bandages dismissed as just the cost of working a physically laborious job. 

Music was constantly blasting in my headphones to drown out my own self-destructive thoughts. But music was also a trigger. I felt music so deeply and personally, a single song could alter my mood like turning on a light switch. A bass line could make my heart race, a verse could stop me from going off the deep end, and a great bridge could push me off. This playlist is from a very specific time in my life that I can only half remember because depression blacks out memories. But certain songs hold onto those memories for me.

There’s a Fire – OKGo

I went to every OKGo concert in New York City between 2013 and 2016. The only reason I stopped is because they stopped touring. They were and still are one of my favorite bands.

“On the count of three we’re all gonna stomp. One, two, three…” The front man Damian recorded the audience on an iphone stomping, clapping, hissing, and clicking. Then the drummer tapped at the phone using the audience’s sounds to create the beat of their song There’s a Fire. A beautifully simple song about a boy who cried wolf. “I mean it, there’s a problem here / this time it is for real / How can I make myself more clear?” “There’s a fire” And there really was. This song felt like the back and forth in my mind about if I was actually in crisis and how do I tell someone when I’ve pretended to be ok for so long?

Cherry Blossom – Paolo Nutini

It was the most beautiful day, it was summer in the city and I was on an upswing after a bad depression. I was a production assistant on a mission to pick up a fog machine from some prop house in Brooklyn and deliver it to Long Island City. I listened to this song on loop almost the entire hour and a half trip. On the cab ride back we drove under a canopy of cherry blossoms. It was a moment of bliss bathed in pink flowers.

Someone New – Hozier

I’ve fallen in love over 1,000 times. 995 of those times lasted less than two days. Hundreds of those lasted the amount of time the A C E takes to get from Penn Station down to West 4th Street. 

Feels Like We Only Go Backwards – Tame Impala

I had a crush on this sound guy that I was working on a feature film with. I was the 2nd assistant director and I was only 19. Is that a shameless humble brag? Yes. But it also expresses how fucking surreal my life was. I smoked pot for the first time with that sound guy. He showed me this song. I don’t know if it was the melody, the pot, or him but it made me feel like I was falling backwards infinitely through a hypnotic spiral. Having said that… I realize it was definitely the pot.

When Did Your Heart Go Missing – Rooney

Rooney has a real Cali livin’ kind of vibe. They put a California filter over my gloomy New York lens. One of the most unreal things that happened in my film career was when a friend flew me out to L.A. to be the assistant camera person on his senior thesis film. I made a playlist for the trip and 80% of it was Rooney. I always daydreamed about moving to L.A. to be a director and listening to Rooney as I cruise down the pacific coast highway. 

God, Make Up Your Mind – Cold War Kids

Cold war kids have a chaotic sound and energy that can somehow both express depression and mania. As an 18 year-old undiagnosed manic-depressive, couch surfing around New York and running on coffee, cliff bars, and anxiety, Robbers & Cowards was my soundtrack. The ominous build and slow crawling vocals of God, Make Up Your Mind, spoke to this apathetic darkness in me. I distinctly remember walking from the editing office I was working at to the subway. I was walking along 27th street in Astoria and stopped at a crosswalk. I remember closing my eyes and feeling the hostile wind gusts of cars rushing by. I was strangely tranquil.  “Your stomach feels the emptiness of death” moaned into my ear. I thought about suicide; how easy it would be to step into traffic… But the light turned green.

It’s not about whether you’d prefer the red pill or the blue pill, but rather, which memory you’d like to unlock depending on the song. It’s not unusual for us to attach memory to music; it’s one of the best ways to document moments in time that feel like they’re worth remembering, and a way to re-access them at a later time. I use the term “matrix” because these memories are something within, which then take on the form of a song. It just makes sense. I hope you enjoy this glimpse.

Moonshadow – Yusuf/Cat Stevens

With the softness of the melody paired with the lightness of Stevens’ voice, this song reminds me of being 6 years old, sleepily sitting in the back of my dads car, driving to our small Pennsylvania vacation home for the weekend to visit my Nana. As my eyelids begin drooping, they catch a snippet of the full moon- staring brightly back at me. I believed it was following our car, also joining us on our trip to PA. I was too young to imagine any other reason as to why it moved so perfectly with our car. Just kids things, I guess. I miss that wide-eyed innocence; this song brings that back to me, just for a few moments to spare. If my inner child could be represented by a song, it would be this one. I could stare at the moon all day–especially the full ones. Perhaps that’s the Cancer ascendent part of me. I remember watching a movie years later in my Spanish class, which told the story of a mother separated from her son, but when she looks to the moon, she finds comfort in knowing that despite the fact that they’re apart, they sleep beneath the same moon. I find comfort within that.

Acoustic #3 – The Goo Goo Dolls

This brings out the angst within me, and reminds me of my parents’ relationship when I was younger. I often wonder if I get in my own way- or other people’s way. As a teenager, this song made me think of my mom, and hit me with a truck of regret. Regret for what? I couldn’t even tell you. I regretted my life, despite the fact I had barely even lived it. I regretted that my Mom found my journal. Now she kept eagle eyes on me. I hope she knows I love her. My inner voice asks me “have you told her you love her recently?” For awhile, the answer was no. I was short and snappy; so she became that way towards me. I guess I deserved it. Despite feeling anger towards her, I still ran to her arms when the world became too much to bear. I felt anger towards the world because I felt like it was laughing at my pain, forcefully making my life hard because it enjoyed preying on the weak. I love my dad, but he’s different now. Everything is different now, including myself. I feared that i was morphing into someone I didn’t want to be around, which was one of the worst feelings ever.

Older – Sasha Sloan

My parents are not the same people they were to me when I was wide-eyed and innocent. I find that hard to grapple with. I’m a teenager now, coming to grips with anxiety and depression diagnosis’. I cry to my mom over my dad. I cry at night, angry with myself over my own presence. I feel like I came in the way of my mom’s dream, when in reality, I didn’t. I know this now, but at 14, I didn’t. I feel small and alone, despite having my mother’s arms to run into. I play hide & seek with my own self, wishing desperately I could hide away forever. Never-ending nightly questions that stemmed from verbal abuse from someone who loved me. My parents are just like me. I understand that now better as an adult. I can’t change the past, though sometimes i really wish i could. Things have changed since childhood. I don’t speak to dad anymore; Mom has shown me her softer side. We healed together. I still have her arms to run to for comfort sometimes, but now, she also has mine.

Landslide – Fleetwood Mac

It fits like a missing puzzle piece. The greatest comfort music could give me. It is both the bandaid and ripping the bandaid off. If the “what if’s” of life had a song, this would be it. However, it does so in a gentle way not with the intention of causing fear, but introspection. Here I wrap myself in Stevie Nicks’ voice and transport myself to another realm. I know my inner child is still in there, perhaps this will encourage her to come out. This song represents my relationship with my own life, reminiscent of the thoughts of “do i want to be here?” My life has been a landslide, yet somehow, I’m still here. That counts for something. I become very introspective when this song comes on, and I acknowledge the seasons of my life that have grown me, watching me transform into the person I am today. I feel release each time I listen to Landslide. Despite it being a very well-known song to which nearly everyone can relate to, within the lyrics lies a story unique to each individual listener, who relate it to a part of their lives where the song just…fits.

Medicine – The 1975

Within the walls of Madison Square Garden back in 2017, at the 1975’s concert with one of my best friends. 2017 had been a challenging year, but this moment was one of the most rewarding. The stadium plunged into brief darkness, before it glowed with an orange hue, accompanied by the lights of thousands of phone lights, swaying to the soft music emitting from the guitar and saxophone. The saxophone holds for a long note that doesn’t hit, but gently touches you right in the heart. My friend is shorter than me, and lays her head on my shoulder peacefully, saying “I’m.. I’m just gonna lay here for awhile. If you don’t mind.” I didn’t answer, but gave a silent cue that it was perfectly fine. Amongst thousands of other fans, we immersed ourselves in the peacefulness that this song brought, knowing we were living within one of our favorite moments ever. When we replay that song now, we are automatically taken back [transported? maybe with no adverb?] to that moment where time stopped, as if it were listening to the band play their tunes, too.

I decided to include the live version below of their performance in London. It looked very similar to how it did that night in MSG.

Art Class – beabadoobee

This class changed my life, but not because of the artwork we created. Here, I met my partner. Classmates became fast friends, and i found myself looking forward to art more everyday. Being someone who was uninterested in romantic relationships, realizing I developed a crush on him during the last week of high school ever (we both were seniors) was such great timing (sarcasm). But.. we never lost contact. I moved two months later for college–permanently. I was afraid of losing contact with him, and for a few months, we did. But then the following spring sprung something new. As we began talking more frequently, we began a long distance relationship at the end of that summer. We’re still together now. I think about that art class with gratitude for bringing me joy in creating artistic pieces, and for introducing me to my partner. I can still picture it so clearly: him sitting across from me as we paint our pieces, cracking up at a joke. What we did the most was laugh; we still do that a lot now. It’s such a joyful sound to hear his life, just like it’s a joyful sight to see him smile. This song feels childlike, like something in me knew that there was something about him.

Endless Road – Angel Olsen

I am brought back to my time spent away from New York City, during my first 2 years of college. I’m undergoing a transformative period in my life, grappling with a life beyond what I was used to in a place that did not feel like home. Even though we tried to hard to make it home, it just wasn’t. In our trials in trying to move back, the world was plunged into a pandemic. Late night thoughts of worry and anguish–would we get home? How will we accomplish this? But we did. This song makes me think about the recent years, the roads my life has taken me on. When I was living within those years, I was filled with regret, anger and sadness that swallowed me whole. But now, I look back with a clear mind, seeing it for what it really was, not what I thought it was. It was an experience that challenged me, which therefore allowed me to become comfortable with stepping beyond my comfort zone–something I hadn’t expected to happen so soon. I removed the box around me that I had built for myself, feeling less afraid of venturing out into a world beyond it. However, there is nothing like the feeling of returning home. I feel home when I am engulfed in my mother’s arms; home when I’m holding my boyfriend’s hand, or surrounded by a group of friends, or my best friend. Everything leads me back to home.

This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody) – Talking Heads

I have found myself in recent years muttering to myself “this must be what it feels like..” about a moment or feeling that I’ve captured in memory-right in the moment. This song is representative of that type of feeling for me. It’s a joyful song, one that brings me straight into the dancing mood. It, too, is reminiscent of home. This is what it feels like to return home after a long time. This is what it feels like to fall in love for the first time. This is what it feels like to truly love who you are. I play this to bring me into high spirits. My inner child is still here, I know this for sure. This song feels like eating your favorite food after not having it in so long, or seeing your favorite person/people after being separated for so long. I have danced to this song with friends in the past when we’ve come together. It is a song that brings an immediate smile to my face. It feels like an amusement park, filled with rides awaiting you to go on. And your excitement and happiness is bubbling at the surface.

ROADMAP FOR THE SOUL

Call me a masochist, but I relish my times of distress and despair. I’ve grown an appreciation for the natural pains of life, recognizing that they, perhaps even more than joyful moments, give life meaning. Below, I list songs I find effective at drawing out my innermost fears and/or hangups. With the recognition that my worldview is harebrained and not reflective of the prevailing mindset, I advise you to listen to these songs and wallow at your own risk.

Bring it on Home to Me – Sam Cooke

Pairs well with moods and humors of all stripes.

                          Sam Cooke Bring It Home To Me           

I’m an avowed fan of songs that put me in a romantic mood. This song and the one that follows it on this list are two prime examples of what Frank Zappa liked to call “greasy” songs, or songs that ooze sentimentality to the point of disgust. He might have felt that way, but for me, sometimes it hits the spot in spite of not being musically challenging, in the same way that a bag of chips can curb hunger in spite of its unimpressive nutritional profile.

Lady Stardust – David Bowie

Remove wrapping and unravel into a fine paste.

                          Lady Stardust (2012 Remaster)           

Sometimes when you’re really down and out, you’re not looking for anything gussied up. You just want a sappy, mawkish crooner to tug at the ol’ heartstrings, and who better than Mr. Plastic Soul himself. It’s nothing too cagey or introspective – just desperate, panting love. If ever you find yourself in the throes of heartbreak, as I have on many an occasion, you may find that Lady Stardust suffices in place of, Idunno, a Coldplay song.

Runaway – Kanye West

Blend with a cool autumn night and get lost. Serves one.

                          Runaway            

The song many consider to be the crown jewel of Dark Fantasy teeters between self-loathing and self-pity. While I didn’t exactly consider myself a “jerk-off” last semester, and certainly didn’t feel worthy of a “toast for the douchebags,” Kanye helped me navigate what was then a complex tangle of emotions. In spite of the title, the song made me want not to run away from my problems but rather sit in them and find my humanity in my struggles.

Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues – Bob Dylan

Mixes well with one foot squarely on the gas pedal.

                          Bob Dylan – Just Like Tom Thumb’s Blues (Audio)           

When read on a page, the song is a desultory account of a trip to Mexico gone awry, but ingested aurally, it’s a boisterous anthem of triumph, the perfect blend of youth and maturity. Mike Bloomfield’s guitar tone is rivaled only by that of Jimi Hendrix among contemporaries in its hugeness.  I can’t help but think of everyone who’s counted me out for the last 5 years as I roar (safely!) down the highway and blast this sonic middle finger right out the open driver-side window, letting it catch in the wind for all to hear.

Hey Hey, What Can I Do – Led Zeppelin

Leave her where the guitars play. Doctor’s orders.

                          Hey, Hey, What Can I Do (Remaster)           

Another song in which the lyrical content and the music are at odds with each other. The conflict doesn’t seem forced or intentional, inasmuch as it is even felt at all. Robert Plant sings of an age-old lover-left-me quandary over a progression of mostly (if not entirely) major modality. Rather than lingering on the angst of loneliness, high school Johnny instead basked in the feelings of liberation that solitude can provide.

Madame George – Van Morrison

Distill until the very crystals of beauty are obtained. Store away from any worldly corruptors.

                          Madame George (1999 Remaster)            

It’s mind-blowing how far a simple I-IV-V progression can be taken in the right hands. It can be hard to tell that this song follows so conventional a formula, so remote and enigmatic is its sound. Writers the likes of Lester Bangs have spoken glowingly of its singular ability to capture human suffering, and I have spent many a night lying on my couch, not upset about any one thing, probing Van Morrison’s transcendent vocal for the mysteries of life.

She Said She Said – The Beatles

Let age. Ready to consume when the walls have crumbled.

                          She Said She Said (Remastered 2009)           

I can actually justify this song’s inclusion with a particular incident in my life in which it appeared. I had a huge blowout fight with someone I used to know, and I blasted this song while driving (safely!) home. Before that, it was just a cool song off of my favorite Beatles album. Now, hearing the tin-tone guitars try and fail to fit into a swirling mixed-meter rhythm fills me with dread. Not the redemptive kind, either. I’m sorry to say that Revolver has mostly stayed in the jewel case since that day. Maybe one day I’ll be able to clear the cobwebs and play it again. Until then, it’ll be a piece of plastic with a cool enough looking picture sitting in a case in my car.

So it’s true, even for me, that sometimes pain unequivocally sucks. Nothing is learned, or gained, or forgiven. There’s no maturation, no fulfillment. I can’t prescribe music for these situations, which, now that I think about it, probably says something about the way I think of music. As long as there is a sliver of hope in whatever befalls, I know I can turn to music, not as a distraction or a salve, but as a signpost to find the new version of myself, or as Bob Dylan says, “a roadmap for the soul.”