Musical Time Capsule

It’s probably a cliché to say that music conjures up so many memories. I am sure many people say it frequently or have said it a few times in the past. Maybe it’s not cliché at all. Maybe it’s the one thing we all have in common but never particularly mention; music definitely has the ability to bring up memories we have either not thought about in a long time or possibly bring up at after get together, text conversation or Zoom meeting.

My iPhone is like a time capsule. I have approximately 4,513 songs on my music app. I have it set to shuffle all the time and nine times out of ten a song will come up that thrusts me back to last week, last month, two years ago, a decade ago, twenty-five or thirty-two years ago. I hit next and “Don’t Worry Be Happy” by Bobby Mcferrin comes up and suddenly it’s 1989 again and I am at the park across the street from my grandmother’s apartment when she lived on Bronx Boulevard just off the 2 and the 5 train stop on Gun Hill Road. Eminem’s “Drips” brings me back to the day Saurabh and I left Forest Hills High School early to meet a girl in Brooklyn I met online who catfished me (before catfishing was a thing) and I had Saurabh drive his car toward me so I could jump on the hood like Spider-Man only to land on neck and pass out—all to get out of this blind meeting with the girl. “Live and Learn” by Crush 40 throws me back to the “Sonic Adventure 2” and “Mario Party 2 & 3” wars of 2002 with Alex.

My iPhone is my time capsule. Some songs bring up good memories. Some songs bring up bad memories. Some songs remind me of fun, the games, the sadness and loss. Some memories may make you laugh or make you cry. Some make offend you or some may be too vague. Either way, the songs bring back memories I will always cherish.

Wild, Wild West – Will Smith & Kool Moe Dee (1999)
I despise this song. Not only did the film not appeal to my 14-year-old self—as I had been fully invested in the semi adult content of late 90’s professional wrestling as opposed to the cheesy, corny PG-13 film this song was written for. No, my hate for this song partially comes because of this series of TV spots Burger King had promoting these cheap “Wild, Wild West” children’s sunglasses that must have play a dozen times an hour on Nickelodeon. All I hear is the chorus containing Kool Moe Dee’s baritone voice repeating “Wild, Wild, West” over and over. The TV spots seem to play endless throughout the summer of 1999. The other reason I despise this song is because those sunglasses have a whole difference significance that is cemented in my mind. It was July 11th 1999 and friend, Ramy (who was my grandmother’s neighbor) had just watch a kitten, Katie, die slowly in the middle of the street after being hit by a car driven by a group of teenagers. Katie was only a few months old and belonged to our friend Jonathan (whom my grandmother used to babysit.) Jonathan saw us standing over Katie as she lay on the hot black concrete—her eye protruding from her tiny skull, the ground covered in blood. Jonathan was wearing those awfully small sunglasses. As he watched Katie’s death spasm, he screamed as he removed the sunglasses and snapped them in half. Jonathan’s mother, Neri, in her drugged up daze walked over to Katie’s body. Neri looked like a zombie—death incarnate herself, as she scooped up Katie with her bare hands and tossed her in a plastic garbage can outside their home. I lost my innocence that day and the beginning of my fear of death came that night as I lay in bed and I saw Katie laying at my feet with her eye missing just staring at me lifelessly.

Trouble – Shampoo (1994)
December 17th 1995; my birthday. I had received Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie as a gift. My parents invited a bunch of people over and Jonathan and his mom came over. We let the movie play in the background while we played Mortal Kombat 3 on my Sega Genesis. When “Trouble” came up during the skydiving scene, Jonathan screamed “Oh my god, I love this song.” Truly the pinnacle of innocence and purity. Five years later I saw him shattered and broken like the sunglasses he destroyed after Katie died. Jonathan passed from cancer away three years ago. He was far too young. Although we had lost contact after the summer of 2000, I will always have these memories and this sing helps to remind me.

The Best Is Yet To Come – Aoife (1998)
This song hits close to home for a few reasons. The first being that I first heard it during the first half of 1999 before watching the kitten die and before the fear of death. The title of the song is a n extreme juxtaposition of what occurred the rest of that year. It almost feels like a slap in the face to be told “the best is yet to come” and then nothing but negative occurs for the remainder of the time. The song is entirely in Gaelic and I have no idea what the lyrics are about, but the song is slow and peaceful sounding like the first half of that year. The second reason being that song reminds me of the one woman in my life that I could honestly say I cared for more than any other. My friend Ramy introduced me to the video game Metal Gear Solid and we spent months playing that one particular game over and over again. His mother, Maha, let us spend hours upon hours screaming at each other and at the television and she only scolded us one time. However, Maha generally let us boys be boys and she was very supportive of us when we were younger. A very short time ago, I wished her a happy birthday and she replied with a simple thank you and called me her “second son.” Not long after that, she passed away—cancer again. This song reminds me of her positivity and her endearing nature.

Criminal – Eminem (2000)
This song conjures up different memories. I recall my friend Saurabh giving me a copy of The Marshall Mathers LP and then we spent weeks talking about it and blasting out on his father’s station wagon radio. We were the most non “gangsta” teenage boys rolling around in that beige “shaggi’ wagon” as we called it. The one memory that comes to mind when I think of “Criminal” is the morning of September 11, 2001. The Saturday prior to that Tuesday, HBO had premiered an Eminem concert that I recorded for Saurabh on VHS. My parents were anti-Eminem so I was unable to actually skim through the recording until Tuesday morning before school. I ended up watching the live performance of “Criminal” and then went to school where I spoke about it to a classmate named Gary. He was a metalhead with green spiked hair and al black clothes but for some reason he was entertained by the way I mimicked Eminem’s monologue before the song because. As we walked up the packed stairwell of Forest Hills high school, I screamed out “So Eminem angrily says WHY DID YOU DO IT WHY DID YOU DO IT? BECAUSE I’M A CRIMINAL.” Gary and I laughed and went our separate ways. Two periods later We all learned of the terrorist attacks from that morning. At first, I feared that I anger the gods by watching something my parents were against. They raised me in their ridiculous beliefs of Santeria so I feared that my glorifying of Eminem somehow led to this catastrophic event. I eventually moved past those childish thoughts but I will never forget that packed stairwell, Gary, that concert or that morning.

She Hates Me – Puddle of Mudd (2001)
I graduated high school in June of 2002 and was desperately in need to run away from my home life. My family had just gotten internet access shortly after the 9/11 attacks and my goal from that moment forward to find a girlfriend online and run away. Enter Lindsay from Arizona. I met Lindsay and her band of friends during the summer of 2002 while browsing an AOL chat room for Eminem fans. I don’t even recall the specifics of who messaged whom first but I know we spoke throughout the rest of the year and she seemed like she really liked me. We exchanged photographs and Christmas and Valentine’s Day cards. Then she disappeared in March of 2003. After months of talking to her, it seemed serious enough where I fell in love with her. Turns out it was all a lie, or so she claimed. One day she messaged me claiming to have been nearly kidnapped and a man named “Erik” saved her when she ran to a nearby ton. Then she disappeared and her friend Bonnie messaged me saying “Lindsay is dead.” Having flashbacks to Jessica in junior high school, I panicked and fell into a depression. A few weeks later Lindsay messaged me calling me a “faggot” and a “bitch” for falling for a girl online. It was around this time that I heard this Puddle of Mudd song and it summed up Lindsay and my depression very well.

Tainted Love – Marilyn Manson (2003)
I will never forget Christine. I met her after she saw me walking a friend of mine, James, to school. She was in one of James’ classes and when she saw me she told him she wanted to date me. I wasn’t exactly Rico Suave so when I heard that I jumped at the chance. Big mistake. Christine had issues. The same day she met me, she told her father I was her boyfriend. Her father claimed to have heard so much about me. Then the weirdness started. Christine would tell me about all her sexual partners and what she did with them. She would point out different people from her school—males and females, and explain to me what they did sexually. She also believed that babies were actually aliens who inhabited the womb of women. I was a shy, prudish little guy then so this was freaking me out. One night she emailed me and said “I masturbated to you while listening to ‘Tainted Love.’ We are getting married when I finish this school year.” I panicked. The next day her father tried to run me over with his Ford pickup truck when I exited the Wendy’s on the corner of Metropolitan Avenue and Woodhaven Boulevard. She was my second girlfriend and it was the smoothest break up I ever had.

All The Things She Said – T.A.T.U. (2003)
If 1999 was the “year of fear and death”, then 2003 was the “year of the Femme.” James and I were sitting at Macdonald Park on Queens Boulevard when noticed two Asian girls sitting at the bench across from us. One of them was very tom boyish but the other one was very feminine and super cute. They walked past us and I asked them for the time. The tom boyish one told me the time. My quick-witted nature then had me blurt out “hey you’re kind of cute” to your super cute one. She replies “I’m a lesbian.” Then the tomboy said “I’m a lesbian. My name is Valerie. This is my sister Viella Mae.” We laughed at my stupid pickup line and then we learned that Valerie was dating a girl, Monica, who happened to be in one of James’ classes— this should have been an indicator to run after the Christine fiasco. What ensued was three months of ridiculous problems. James’ brother, David, caused major issues for us when he asked Valerie and Monica if they could have sex in front of him like “that one T.A.T.U video.” Turns out Valerie hated T.A.T.U because “they aren’t real lesbians and it’s a cheap marketing ploy.” Thing went from bad to worse when it turns out all these girls were cheating on each other with other people or had secret girlfriends no one knew about all the while James was trying to get with Monica who in turn used me for information on Valerie. Although nothing happened between Monica and I, I somehow ended up with a reputation in Forest Hills High School for supposedly sleeping with Monica. Of course I would end up with a rep a year after I graduated with no way to bask in it.

International You Day – No Use For A Name (2001)
I never had someone dedicate something to me until my first real girlfriend, Jane, dedicated this song to me not long after we began dating in November of 2003. The relationship was tumultuous. She was a 16 year old girl with a twin sister, June, who were heavy alcoholics during their senior year of high school. Not wanting to relive the drama of Jessica from junior high, I tried my best to get Jane to stop drinking and hanging with a bad crowd. The more I begged and pleaded for her to stop, the deeper she fell into that life. One day she went to a drinking party. While there, she got wasted on drugs and alcohol and ended up getting naked and having sex with her sister and a girl named Tina. June was also raped by her boyfriend after Jane left the party. The entire thing was recorded by their friend they called “Polo.” I was afraid of losing another girl and being blamed for it so I stayed with Jane for two and a half more years. Soon she became physically abusive to me; giving me cigarette burns and cuts and scars I still have to this day. She ended sent me to the hospital after kicking me in the crotch twice. I probably can’t have kids because of that but I am too scared to confirm. Jane cheated on me numerous times all the while claiming this song explained how she felt about me.

I Believe in a Thing Called Love – The Darkness (2004)
This song is a hard pill to swallow for me. It was introduced to me by a friend named Lance. Lance had a complicated life. He was gay but in the closet as far as his family was concerned. The woman who raised him and claimed to be his mother was really his grandmother. The woman he was told was his sister was actually his birth mother. Lance was confused and complicated. Most people hated Lance. They found him annoying and weird. James hated him and Jane mocked him but I always felt bad that his home life was just as bad or even worse than my own. Growing up, people found me weird and annoying too so it made me give Lance a chance. Lance became weirdly loyal to me after I defended him a few times. The easiest way to compare it would be like having an overprotective guard dog. Still, he had his problems and there were times he needed a shoulder to cry on. One day he came over to my apartment to get away from the abuse. He turned on the Fuse channel and we spent hours watching music videos. Then the music video for “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” came on. He became “giddy as a school girl” as he called it. He told me how much he loved that song. It wasn’t my type of music because at the time I was still so heavily into Eminem and then Manson (because my parents hated him so I needed more of his music to piss them off) and I was sort of into Rammstein and Linkin Park and System of a Down. Justin Hawkins, the lead single, had incredible range when he would sing in falsetto. It kind of grew on me. Lance ran away from home in April of 2004. I know it had to do with his family’s abuse but some days I blame myself because he had a major crush on me and was very upset when he found out I wasn’t gay and that Jane and I were in a relationship. Whenever I heard this song, I think of Lance and wonder if he ever made it.

The Hills Remix – Eminem & The Weeknd (2015)
I never heard the original version of The Hills by The Weeknd. I know nothing about The Weeknd. What I do know is that this remixed version by Eminem speaks volumes to me when it comes to this one woman I know from New Jersey. I was introduced to Melissa back in early 2009. I was single at the time and desperately looking but nothing caught my eye quite like Melissa did. I don’t know what it was that attracted me to her because she had a raspy voice, snaggleteeth and had a weird obsessive with wrongly quoting comedians and movies. It could have been that she was the first woman I was able to speak to on a human level where I didn’t have to fake anything and we actually spoke like we had known each other for years. I was friend zoned real hard with Melissa. And then one day she goes and gets pregnant and has a baby with some loser from Pennsylvania who had no job and was cheating on Melissa with a drug addicted woman who had a baby grown while playing with a bucket full of water. Melissa called me after the birth of her first son and started singing tunes about how she hated the baby’s father and how I had a chance with her. We were supposed to meet up one day and talk about feelings. She stood me up. The next night she tells me “I’m back with my baby’s father.” This happened maybe two or three times whenever they were on the outs. If ever there was a song that so deeply complimented a situation, it’s definitely The Hill Remix by Eminem.

Not Your Kind of People – Garbage (2012)
I had never heard of the band Garbage before until I started dating my girlfriend Jessica. She loves Garbage. It wasn’t until I heard this particular song in the trailers for Metal Gear Solid 5. Lyrically, I felt like this song was how I felt after all these years of trying to fit in. It hits even closer to home when it comes to Jessica’s family. Her parents are Polish and her sister had 3 kids with a Mexican man she was briefly married to but left for an Irish fellow. All the while I have been trying to live up to these ridiculous expectations and the family still treats me like an outsider. By the time I heard this song in 2015, Jessica and I had been together for five years. After so many failed relationships, trouble with racists parents of the girls I dated, terrible friends and my own family issues, it was all summed up pretty well in this song.

Briefly Mentioned Above

Live and Learn – Crush 40 (Sonic Adventure 2) (2001)

Don’t Worry Be Happy – Bobby McFerrin (1988)

Drips – Eminem (2002)